I merely want to be silent. I wish not to speak. If only I could be thought not less for my silence because I am a girl then I would choose to speak to no one. If I could only keep my peace and not have to prove myself because I am of the female sex and be on equal footing with any man without having to speak my mind and be appraised whether I suffice, then I would keep my peace and seek the solitude I aspire. But as it is, I am compelled to speak if only not to be deemed inferior, if only to be considered twice and not be judged upon my appearance. If only there were days when I were permitted to release myself from the stiffness of my self-discipline and be unscrupulous and clumsy because I would not be judged shallow merely upon an instance of girlish silliness, then I would perhaps have learned how to explore uncharted possibilities, and have the courage to fail, not once but as many times as required that I may come to accept my flaws. Instead I am obsessed not only by perfection but also by accomplishing and achieving with precision like a 100% efficient robot designed against slip ups.
What of silence? What indeed? I repeatedly ask myself why I continue, to the point of sexism, to make noise, talk, talk, talk, speak, speak, speak, when what I really want is to keep silent and remain within my center’s calm. The answer is cruelly simple. To gain power, those of us, we women, who are powerless, or more correctly, those of us who are rendered powerless, have to seize power and authority from institutions and society, from men, and even our own sexist conceptions. It is because of the imbalance in the treatment of sexes that I cannot afford silence and why all women have to prove themselves, if necessary, with the violence of their voices.
Last updated on June 12, 2008.
